I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
