Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
