The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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