Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
