I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
