Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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