Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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