i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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