I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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