So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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