You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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