it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
