My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
