That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
