this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
