I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
