Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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