Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
