i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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