its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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