Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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