I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
