about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
