Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
