sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
