This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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