So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
