Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
