she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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