mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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