Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
