Swine flu. Run for my life!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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