I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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