i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
