I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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