So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
a search helicopter?!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
