her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
