This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
