She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I intend to get homeless drunk
She even gives head with a lisp.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
