im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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