I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
