I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
