K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
