I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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