About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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