I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
