i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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