dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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