Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
