Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
