She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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