My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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