***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
