he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
