Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
