The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This baby is an asshole
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
