32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
