Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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