my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Boobs are out for the taking
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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