we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
