Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
