K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just pee around me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
