Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
