i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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