A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
