the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize