Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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