My brain says no but my pants say off.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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