pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
