hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
