I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
