I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
